Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
