apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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