i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
