Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
