Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wear drunk well.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
