Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize