she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
