Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
All the doctor said was why
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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