My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize