I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
