It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
