My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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