Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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