It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
