Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
