I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
