$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
