I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
