I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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