nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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