we have officially lost it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
