hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
