saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
