arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
