glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
