You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize