I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
