go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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