saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
