Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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