I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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