Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
