I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
