I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
