omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
