I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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