I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
