I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
