She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
