i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize