Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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