covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
