So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
