Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im holly from the hills drunk
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize