and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
