and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
