Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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