That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
