hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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