never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
