Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
