she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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