I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
