My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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