I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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