Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
