No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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