someone get that fucking seahorse.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize