I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
