were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
