What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
