Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
