my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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