sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
