Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
