no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
