R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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