I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
