Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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