Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
