god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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