honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
