I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I want her autograph on my taint
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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