Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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