Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
