This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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