i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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