sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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