even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
