you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
