The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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