Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
