so that wasnt chicken after all
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
