So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
