The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
