We won't sleep together?
Small penises have feelings too.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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