I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
