I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
