I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
