I'm really into asian looking animals
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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