I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
