You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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