omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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