Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its not stalking. its research.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
