About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
