My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
