He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize