U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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