The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
