she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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