I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
