You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
