Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

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(970): View more from Colorado

Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?

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(734): View more from Michigan

He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.

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(813): View more from Florida

I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.

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(716): View more from New York

Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

this strobe light makes my body turn on and off

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