You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
