So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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