I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
