I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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