youre lurking in front of me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
