I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
sarcasm needs its own font
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
