I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
